I told myself I’d write and post about my ADHD experience on Monday. It’s already Wednesday. Am I going to not follow through on yet another task? Why can’t I ever follow a plan or schedule that I set for myself anymore? Okay… I’ll at least start it tonight. But I need to clean up my room and fold my laundry. I washed those clothes before vacation – wait, that means it’s been over 2 weeks since I washed those clothes and they’ve just been sitting in hampers all this time! I HAVE to fold and put away that laundry tonight – but that means I won’t have time to write my blog post. Okay… I’ll write the one about ADHD tomorrow and then I can write the one about my fitness journey on Friday.

… and here I am posting the one about ADHD late Saturday night.

This is just a snapshot of my reality with ADHD. People who knew me when I was younger are probably thinking:

“How can you have ADHD? You were so quiet and barely talked.”

“You were never hyper – you never got in trouble for acting out.”

“You always earned good grades – surely your executive functioning is fine.”

And these are thoughts I had myself before I was diagnosed with ADHD last December after two screeners and the TOVA test. But now, I realize those characteristics of me as a child/student were just coping strategies that masked my ADHD.

REJECTION SENSITIVITY DISORDER (RSD)

Since learning about Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD), a symptom of ADHD, I now understand how all of the above characteristics were actually signs that I had ADHD.

For me, RSD makes me instantly think that someone doesn’t like me if they say anything I perceive as negative. I begin to think: They think I’m stupid. They don’t like me.

Someone says they don’t like a movie I love. Well they must think I’m stupid for liking that movie. From now on, I’m not going to share which movies I like because I don’t want people to think I’m stupid.

Someone gives constructive feedback on one of my teaching practices. I’m a bad teacher. Am I really cut out for this? Am I the worst teacher in the school? 

Because of where my thoughts go when I perceive rejection:

I never talked when I was younger because I didn’t want to say something that other people might make fun of or think is stupid.

I always tried to follow rules because if I got in trouble, that would mean teachers would think I was a bad kid.

I always tried my best to get good grades because if I got a bad grade that meant people would think I wasn’t smart and would like me even less.  I had to get good grades because I wasn’t going to impress people with my athletic skills. Having a physical disability only compounded my RSD. I already thought I wasn’t going to fit in because I walked differently, so I didn’t want to add any other reason for people not to like me.

RSD had a negative impact on my life growing up. What I thought for most of my life was social anxiety was actually a major sign of ADHD. I now think about all that I missed out on because I was too scared to take the risk of being rejected. 

Without RSD… 

I could’ve made more friends.

I could’ve done drivers’ ed and gotten my license much earlier.

I could’ve had a job in high school.

I could’ve dated in high school.

Since starting medication for ADHD, I’m better able to realize when I’m being irrational about a situation. My therapist has also helped me come up with strategies to separate my thoughts from reality when my RSD does pop up.

As an adult, it’s not RSD that is the #1 problem – it’s now executive functioning.

TASK PARALYSIS

Before I started medication, I experienced task paralysis nearly every night.

I need to go wash my dishes. But I also need to grade these papers. Oh wait, I also said I was going to create slides for that activity tomorrow. Okay, I’ll start with the dishes so I need to get off this couch. But if I do my dishes, then I’ll be up even later. Maybe I’ll just create the slides tonight and I’ll grade papers tomorrow. But I don’t know yet exactly how I want the activity to go. Here’s what I’ll do – I’ll do a puzzle on my tablet to focus my mind and I can think of how the activity should go and what should be on the slides….

Prior to December 2025, this is what my thoughts would sound like each night. I would be so overwhelmed with all that I needed to do that I wouldn’t be able to get off the couch to do any of the tasks that I needed to do. I would sit frozen for hours until I was too tired to get anything done. Other times, I would sit frozen until 10 or 11pm at which time I would start doing work and would stay up until 1am or later to get work done. 

I will never forget the day I started taking 300mg of Wellbutrin and the moment I realized my brain was finally quiet. Until that day, I didn’t realize how much mental energy I was spending just thinking because I was thinking about 3+ things at once, had a song stuck in my head, and talked to myself in my head. 

After starting the 300mg of Wellbutrin, most of the time I have started doing my dishes nearly right away. I have started responding to emails as soon as I have time instead of letting them just sit in my inbox and haunt my thoughts for days. I am better about keeping up with grading, and I don’t get as overwhelmed by the stacks of papers I have to grade sometimes or the 45+ essays that I have to give feedback on. 

FOCUS

While my task initiation has improved since starting meds, I now realize how bad my focus is at times.

“Miss, can you print this out for me?” “Oh, yes – I’ll do it in just a second.” “Miss, you said you were going to help me with this question.” “Oh yeah. Which question was it again?” *student notices the tab for my March Madness bracket on my computer* “Oooo Miss, who do you have winning?” “I chose…” *I then proceed to project my bracket onto the board and explain some of my choices for the next few minutes.* “Okay, we need to refocus on the work – sorry y’all, I’m the one that got distracted and caused you to get off task, but now we need to get back to work.” *5 minutes later the bell rings* Oh shoot, I forgot to print off that paper for M!

This happened in my 7th period class back in March of this year. At this moment, I realized that my meds were only working until about 1pm. After that time, I struggled to focus. I had a difficult time helping students with their work in the last 2 periods of the day. I would consistently forget what I was saying in the middle of direct instruction. And I could never remember who had already asked to go to the bathroom.

MEDS 

Following this experience in my 7th period class, I knew I needed to do something to be able to focus throughout the entire school day, so I scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist. He increased my Wellbutrin dose to 450mg. After a month on that dosage, I noticed that I would now lose my ability to focus at around 5pm. I could now make it through the entire school day, but I couldn’t focus in the evening when I usually prepped lessons or graded papers. 

Shortly after, in an IEP meeting for one of my students, I learned about “booster doses” for ADHD. Wait! I need that!

I went back to my psychiatrist – knowing that I likely couldn’t do a booster dose with Wellbutrin. This time, he was willing to start me on a med specifically for ADHD (Wellbutrin is used off-label for ADHD). We started with Straterra. I took Straterra in the morning when I woke up and Wellbutrin in the afternoon. For the first couple weeks, I thought the Straterra was working well with only mild side effects – lack of appetite and insomnia – which seemed to be improving as time wore on. But in the third week, I noticed I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I didn’t have any emotions about anything. I never felt sad, angry, happy, nervous, or excited. I basically had an “it’s whatever” attitude about everything.

So back to the psychiatrist I went. This time he put me on a newer med, Qelbree. If this one didn’t work, we’d try a stimulant. I am still on Qelbree today. I can focus throughout the day, and the only major side effect I’ve noticed is that it has made me feel more emotional – mostly in a positive way.

TIME BLINDNESS

Something I still struggle with is time blindness. When I was younger I was never late to things because of my RSD. Now, I am late to things often. Just ask my best friend who does my hair – no matter how hard I try, I’m always at least 5 minutes late to my appointment. What I think will only take an hour actually takes 3 hours. Because of this, I often overestimate how much work I can get done after school or during 1 planning period. On the other hand, what feels like 20 minutes is actually 5 minutes. I used to dread brushing my teeth at night because between brushing, flossing, and mouth wash, it felt like I was in the bathroom for half an hour. One night, I finally timed how long it took me to do my nightly bathroom routine. It was 8 minutes total. 

WAITING MODE

Lately, I’ve been most thankful that I no longer experience waiting mode.

Before meds, if I had a doctor’s appointment at 3pm, I couldn’t do anything else until after the appointment. When I used to close on Sunday nights at DSW, I knew that I wasn’t going to get any lesson planning or grading done before my shift. This meant I either had to be prepared for Monday before Sunday, or I would have to stay up late to get work done. In high school, when I had soccer practice in the summer at 4pm, I had anxiety about going to see a movie or even just laying out in the backyard during the day. So I simply watched TV and slept all day waiting for soccer practice. I always thought I was lazy because other girls would go to summer school for 6 hours or go to work before afternoon practice. I admired their energy and I wished I had that type of energy. Turns out, it wasn’t an issue of having energy or not – it was an issue of being in waiting mode. 

Now, I’m able to focus on other tasks or go do other activities before an afternoon doctor’s appointment or before a big evening event. In May, I even went to a workout class in the morning before an afternoon flight – even when I still had to pack and go to the pharmacy before driving to the airport. For most of my life, I have been the person who needs to be at the airport at least 2 hours ahead of time no matter what. This time, I got to the airport less than 1 hour before my flight boarded. 

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Getting an ADHD diagnosis and starting the right medications have made life so much easier and have allowed me to experience more joy. At times I get angry about what I missed as a child and teenager because of my undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I hope that doctors, teachers, and parents continue to become more aware about the way ADHD presents in girls, so every girl can experience her full potential as a child and teenager.