For those of you who know me, you are probably wondering why I used a term typically associated with math or science as the title of my blog. But asymmetrical is a fitting way to describe life. Life is not even. Life is not equal. When we’re excelling in one area of our lives, we’re struggling in another area. Life is not organized into equally designed parts. Life is messy and filled with asymmetries.
This title describes my life particularly well because from day one I’ve experienced asymmetry. The bones on the right side of my skull fused together too quickly leading to a condition called right coronal craniosynostosis. Although I had surgery at four months to correct this, my skull has never been symmetrical.
I have a disability called left hemiparesis which means the left side of my body is weaker than the right side – from my toes to my eyes. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more aware of these asymmetries. Since high school I’ve been self-conscious of the difference in the size of my calves. My right looks muscular whereas my left is scrawny. My second year of college, I started focusing on the fact that my left eye wanders outward, especially in photos and late at night.
Lately, I’ve been focusing more on the size of my calves than usual, which inspired me to start this blog. Once someone told me that I should go to the gym to build more muscle in my left calf. Oh, if only it was that easy. Once I had a guy on the street say to me as I was walking by him: “Hey miss! You need to pull that foot up more!” (I’m sorry but don’t you think someone who looks about 20 years old would walk like a typically developing person if they were physically able to???) Anyways, moving on. Within the last year I’ve been able to start shaving my right leg in the shower while balancing mostly on my left leg AND without holding onto the wall or a railing. THIS IS A HUGE DEAL FOR ME PEOPLE. Before this I always thought I’d have to hold onto something while I shaved my right leg. Once I realized I reached this milestone, I was super happy for myself. It meant that my left leg was the strongest it has ever been. But I felt there was no one to share in my happiness and celebration.
Moments like these, where I remember most people don’t know what it means to live life with this type of disability, motivated me to start this blog and share my story. I don’t want pity. I want understanding. Most of my life I’ve felt off-balance – often literally as balance issues come with having hemiparesis. As someone with a semi-visible disability, in certain areas of life I can blend in with people without disabilities, but in other areas I can relate more to persons with disabilities (PWD).
This won’t be a blog just about my life with a disability. As someone who loves reading, I will talk about literature and maybe even review some of the books I’m reading. As an English teacher and someone passionate about public education I will write about issues in education and maybe share some of my lessons that went over well with my students.
[My first few posts will summarize what my life has been like so far as someone with a documented disability, but after that it will be more random; some posts might be book reviews/literary analyses while others will be my thoughts on education, disability rights, faith, and other issues that are important to me.]
“No human face is exactly the same in its lines on each side, no leaf perfect in its lobes, no branch in its symmetry. All admit irregularity as they imply change; and to banish imperfection is to destroy expression, to check exertion, to paralyze vitality. All things are literally better, lovelier, and more beloved for the imperfections which have been divinely appointed, that the law of human life may be Effort, and the law of human judgment, Mercy.” ― John Ruskin
a-symmetry 